


Memoriae

by oppaisdead



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, College AU, F/M, Love Triangles, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-24 14:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 12,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6156328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oppaisdead/pseuds/oppaisdead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Photographs are meant to capture memories, not kill sanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Contact info:  
> instagram: @oppaisdead  
> kik: ohitsjustlilith  
> kakao: oppaisdead  
> I take suggestions.

“A little more to the right…”   
Jongin let his eyes focus in on the scene.   
He watched closely, his dark eyes heavy lidded with anticipation and focus.   
This was what he lived for. It was what made his heart beat, his mind work… his body function.   
The way the light cast soft shadows off his features, across the room… The way the camera shot was blurred by the blinding sunlight for only a moment, the rings of color visible for only a split second.   
The way a soft angle could bring dust into view, or the focusing of the camera could bring in details not even perfect eyesight could capture.   
Things were so beautiful to Jongin. Just simple things.   
A marble floor, a plastic bag on the road, a ripped shred of paper.   
There were things he cared for more though, such as clouds before a storm, water droplets, flowers that bloom oddly.  
And Lee Tae-min.   
His best friend. His other half… his keeper. 

Taemin titled his head gently… “Is this alright?”   
It was deathly quiet. Taemin heard the click of the camera and did his best to lift his eyes to look in the lense.  
Taemin knew about Jongin’s love, but it wasn’t until high school that Jongin began taking photos of him.   
He wasn’t sure as of why. Maybe it’s because that’s when he began to show signs of maturing. His round baby face had become chiseled, his cheekbones and jawline sharp. His body began to change, his muscles finally forming correctly from his late night runs and stress relieving workouts. Maybe it’s because that’s when he actually cut his hair decently, or when girls started to notice his voice deepening.   
If anything was true, he thought Jongin was the one who was worthy of capturing on film. But Jongin never took photos of himself. Jongin hardly looked in the mirror.  
He was too worried about the world around him, the world that he saw through his own eyes, a world that no one else could see the way he did. 

Jongin walked away, eyes still glowing. “Alright, that should be good.” He stuffed his camera in his leather bag. “Are you coming by?”  
“Yeah, of course…” Taemin smiled and followed him back out onto the sidewalk.   
It was silent for a while, with the two of them walking beside each other. Taemin focused his eyes on the pavement, tracing the cracks and chunks with his dark orbs. 

“How are you doing, Taemin?” Jongin’s voice echoed quietly through the empty alleyways.  
“I’m just fine, Jongin.” He smiled a bit. “Why do you ask?”  
“I just like to hear you talk about your day. It’s comforting.”   
“What about you, Kim Jongin?”  
“I’m doing well.” It was silent after that. That was just how their friendship worked. 

They ate dinner together, a “nutritious” meal of instant ramen because Jongin’s mother was away on a business trip. Afterwards they lied on Jongin’s bed, their breath slow and steady, Jongin sorting through his prints and Taemin dancing to the radio. 

Their days were peaceful and calm and beautiful. And they were happy. That’s the way it would stay, and they both knew that.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days later a girl confessed to Jongin in the hallway. She was tall, thin, with freckles and light hair and pale skin. She was an exchange student who started in the beginning of the semester. She was a junior, and was well known throughout the school. Taemin had been beside him when it happened.   
“Kim Jongin….” The girl's voice was soft and slow, like that of an idols.   
“Yes?” By the time Taemin realised, he realised also that Jongin had no idea what was going on. He was so used to being flirted with that he didn’t notice the way she flipped her hair over her shoulder, or let her eyes linger on his eyes, his nose, and even his mouth when he spoke.   
“I was hoping maybe we could talk in private?”  
Taemin sighed softly, smiled, and walked over to his locker. He was still within reach, meaning he heard the whole thing.   
“Jongin, I think you’re really cute.”  
He watched Jongin smile his routine thankful grin. “Thank you Eun Gi.”   
“So… would you like to be my boyfriend?”  
Jongin was used to being confessed to be girls. It was routine for him. Only, Jongin normally said no. Taemin didn’t understand why Jongin would have agreed. Maybe he was tired being alone. Maybe he really liked Eun Gi.  
Either way, Taemin found himself struggling to keep Jongin within his radar.

Eun Gi was always with Jongin, and Taemin began to find himself shift into a third wheel. It was hard for him to fathom, as he had always been beside Jongin ever since elementary school. He could only watch as holidays were celebrated with her and not him. He could only watch as his camera and room began to fill up with pictures of Eun Gi and not Taemin. 

For Jongin’s seventeenth birthday Taemin bought him a new camera lense. Eun Gi gave him her virginity. The day after Jongin was bubbly, talking about his passionate night with Eun Gi while Taemin's gift sat stationary on Jongin’s desk. 

For Taemin’s seventeenth birthday Jongin came over. With Eun Gi of course. But that night Taemin didn’t want to handle them. He just wanted his best friend back. 

When Eun Gi went to the bathroom he watched as Jongin finally relaxed. He had been tense around her. Uneasy. 

“Is everything okay? With Eun Gi?”   
“Yeah… everything is fine.”   
“Are you staying over tonight?”  
“Yeah, I will.” 

The tension lifted after a while. There wasn’t anything wrong with Eun Gi as a person. She was wonderfully bright and happy. She knew how to light up a room and keep good company. 

Eun Gi left around eight, leaving Taemin and Jongin with a whole cake to eat themselves. They sat on his bed together, leaning against the wall. 

“I miss you Kim Jongin.”  
“I know.” He watched as he inhaled deeply before breathing out his words.   
It was silent again. “I like someone.”  
“Eun Gi?”  
“No, someone else.”  
“Oh.”  
Jongin looked over quietly at him, meeting his eyes.  
“Who?”  
“Nobody…”  
Taemin sighed and broke the eye contact.   
“Are you going to break up with Eun Gi?”   
“What?”  
Taemin raised his eyebrows in confusion. “Are you going to break up with her?”  
“I did three weeks ago.”   
“What?! I didn’t know!”  
Jongin bit his lip. “...sorry…”  
“So you… just chose to hang out with her and not me?”  
“Taemin, it’s hard to explain.”  
Jongin pulled on the collar of his shirt and Taemin felt anger rise in the pit of his stomach.  
“I see how it is.”  
“Taemin….” Jongin sighed and stood up. “I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom.”  
Taemin didn’t look at him as he walked out.


	3. Chapter 3

A month later everything was back to normal. The mention of Jongin’s crush had faded away and Eun Gi had slowly moved out of the equation due to her new boyfriend. They spent their afternoons studying for finals in Taemin’s basement, sitting on the old faded couches and trying their hardest to stay focused.   
“I’m getting really sick of studying chemistry.” Taemin threw his text book down, the thud echoing off the thick insulated walls. “I haven’t had one second of free time and I’m kinda sick of it.”  
That wasn’t a lie. Jongin and Taemin were three places for the past month; Jongin’s bedroom, Taemin’s basement, or school. And they did three things; study, sleep, and eat.   
It was about midnight now of a Friday night and the two boys were exhausted. Taemin’s family wasn’t home- instead they were on a cruise for their anniversary. Which meant there was no food in the house at all.   
“Let’s run to the corner store… I’m really craving some macaroni.”  
Taemin couldn’t help but laugh at the random comment. “Of all things, why macaroni?”  
Jongin just shrugged.


	4. Chapter 4

Ten minutes later there were walking down the road in the scorching heat. The humidity stuck their shirts to their chests, and their silky overly dyed hair to their foreheads.  
It was deathly hot.

“Jongin, I don’t know what to do.”  
Jongin looked over, the streetlights reflecting off his wide eyes. “About what?”  
“I’m so boring… I’m never going to get in a relationship if I don't stop being so boring.”  
“Boring?” Jongin let the corner of his mouth lift up into a slight smirk. “Lee Taemin, you are not boring.”   
“Yeah, well, how come no one likes me then.” Taemin was still walking, the breeze blowing through his over processed hair and his thin black tank top.  
Jongin didn’t say anything, he just smiled.   
It was silent for a bit more. They focused on the sounds around them.   
“Why do you think I take pictures of you Taemin?”  
Taemin thought for a moment, sucking on the cold sweet bar.   
“Because I’m available at all times….?”  
“You really think that’s the reason?” Jongin paused then, stopping firmly in the middle of the sidewalk. He let his voice drop a few notes, and sighed softly. “That’s not why.”  
“I don’t know why you would.”  
“Well the first reason why is because you’re an absolutely beautiful human being.”  
Taemin let his cheeks heat up and didn’t even move when the sticky substance of his ice cream began to run down his hand. “What…?” He furrowed his eyebrows a bit. “I am not!”  
Jongin laughed and threw his hands up.  
“You think I’d lie?”  
Taemin couldn’t help but grin, his cheeks still as warm as the sticky summer air around them.   
“You’re the attractive one!! Do you even look in the mirror??”  
Jongin turned red then, biting his lip in a way that made Jongin’s stomach turn. “Oh, shut up.”  
“You shut up.”  
“....make me.” Taemin only whispered the words. He knew Jongin didn’t hear him and so he took off, running towards the bay.   
“Taemin!!” Jongin spewed out laughter and ran after him. 

They spent most of the night settled by the bay, talking early into the morning.   
There was nothing Taemin loved more than talking to Jongin. In fact, they didn’t even have to talk. As long as he was by his side Taemin was okay.  
He was like that universal balance…. The thing that kept all the stars and planets and orbits in line. He was the keystone in Taemin’s life. If he was to leave everything would fall.


	5. Chapter 5

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever thought?”  
Jongin’s voice was quiet in the silence of his room. Taemin was lying on the floor beside his bed, half on and half off his blow-up mattress.   
“I think… one time in second grade that a bee would let me hold it. Bad idea.”  
Jongin laughed softly, the sound melodic. It was nearly three am now, and he sighed, softly. “What a weird thing to think… its just like something you’d do.”  
“Which is why I did it.” Taemin beamed, his smile visible through the darkness.   
“What about you?”   
“Once I thought that love had boundaries.”  
Taemin went silent at that.  
“And now?”  
His voice was a bit shaky, and he felt his heart skip a beat.  
This kind of thing had been happening often between them. One would say something unexpected, and the other would simply shut down, shocked at comment or action.  
Just the other day Jongin was upset, and Taemin took his hand as he cried.  
Taemin and Jongin hadn’t held hands since middle school. The sixth grade, to be exact. And that was the day that Taemin’s grandfather passed away and he needed comfort.  
Affection wasn’t new, they’d always shown their feelings through words, but physical touch was foreign to them.   
“I’ve realised it isn’t.”  
Taemin let out a slow breath and kept his eyes fixated on the ceiling fan. “It shouldn’t have boundaries.”  
He heard Jongin shift slightly, and for a moment he thought he was going to come down and lie beside him.   
After a few moments he heard Jongin’s slow breath and he relaxed.  
Love did have boundaries, but they were morale, and weak. Love was bounded between the definition of love and the recognition of it.   
And love he did, but in the worst of ways.


	6. Chapter 6

These types of things began to happen more and more often. It was towards the point now that Jongin was constantly over, of course , with his camera in hand. They were out behind Jongin’s house now, roaming the empty streets and alleyways, Jongin taking a countless number of pictures. He knew he’d be up later that night, probably working on sorting through them and editing him, and Taemin would be by his side, laughing and talking, rubbing his back and feeding him when he was hungry.   
“Taemin, can you go stand over there…?” Jongin pointed to the rusty pipes in the alleyway. “Just sit on one of them.”  
Taemin nodded and did as he asked, sitting comfortably and leaning back against the brick wall. “That’s perfect.”  
Though, Jongin didn’t take the picture immediately. He found himself lost in the way Taemin looked. He let the lense zoom in, focusing on his lips, his eyes, his beautiful nose flushed from the cold.  
He studied the way his jaw line was as sharp as a razor, the way his eyelashes fluttered and brushed against his beautiful, flawless skin.   
He finally snapped the photograph. But it was nothing compared to what he had just seen. 

It was already late when they returned home, and they found Jongin’s mother back as well. She greeted them, as she always had, and she was happy to see Jongin and Taemin close again.   
“You boys are back late…”  
“We were out taking pictures. We didn’t realise the time.”  
She smiled at the thought. “That’s wonderful… I’m looking forward to seeing some of them. Dinner is on the stove if you’re hungry.”  
Jongin and Taemin both smiled and exchanged their welcomes to her, Jongin hugging her and asking about the trip and Taemin made their plates.   
She sat with them and ate quietly, obviously happy to have them back within her sights. “You two seem closer since I last left.”  
“Really, how so?” Jongin smiled over at Taemin, who was too busy stuffing his face to notice.   
“You two just seem closer somehow. It’s hard to explain. Did something happen?”  
“No, nothing really…”  
Jongin’s mother laughed softly, “If you say so.”


	7. Chapter 7

Just as Taemin predicted, Jongin stayed up all night. He sat beside him silently and watched the screen as pictures of him flipped by, some being deleted, and others being moved to a separate folder for editing.   
It was nice to see Jongin this way, hair sticking to his forehead from the heat of the room, bent over his laptop, working on something he loves.  
It made Taemin think.  
And not just think, but really, really, think.  
“What would I do without you, Jongin?”  
Jongin paused his hand briefly and smiled.  
“And what would I do without you?”  
Taemin looked over a bit, the room sticky with heat and emotion.  
It felt heavy inside.  
It was late, and they were both drowsy. Music was playing softly, the room was completely dark except for Jongin’s laptop screen. It illuminated their faces, casting soft and eerie shadows on their profiles.   
“I’ve been thinking.”  
“Me too, Taemin.”  
Jongin closed his laptop, ending the source of light. Taemin heard him sigh, then set it on the nightstand. Their shoulders and thighs were touching, sticking together from the intense heat in the room.  
And Taemin wasn't thinking. He found his hand in the dark and threaded his fingers together with his own.   
Jongin didn’t resist he let his hand grasp Taemin’s smaller one.   
Taemin’s heart was racing, and he was unsure why. Jongin could barely hear himself think. His brain was shouting a million things but he didn’t know which to do.   
Let go, stay still, say something, tell him…. Kiss him.   
That was the one he was most afraid of. But for some reason he wanted it. He wanted to feel Taemin’s soft plush lips against his own. He wanted to feel his rough hair between his fingers. He wanted to feel the pulse of his body against his own, here in the dark and security of his own room.   
And he had no idea why.   
Of course, he didn’t do it.   
The conversation never continued. Taemin pulled away and curled up, falling asleep. And Jongin did the same, his back to him, wondering why he was such a coward.


	8. Chapter 8

Exams were finally over. College applications and scholarships were being completed as quickly as possible. Graduation was long past, their adolescence in the past.  
It was a solemn feeling, one of hate and waste, but of eager possibilities.   
They began to spend every waking and sleeping moment together.   
They knew in a few months that they’d be torn apart.  
It wasn’t an easy feeling. Taemin had already been accepted into a dance school in Seoul. Jongin was headed to America for photography.   
They’d be on two completely different sides of the world. The vast oceans between them, so far apart that it’d be night for the other who was living in the daylight.   
They stayed out late, walking the empty city streets, hiding away in empty apartments.   
All the while they began to touch more, feel more, get closer to each other.   
It wasn’t just holding hands anymore. They’d embrace for hours on end, both unaware that yes, their hearts were pounding, and yes, they were thinking the same things.   
Jongin found himself interlocked with the other in the night, eyes droopy and tired, pulling Taemin closer by his shirt, his chest pressed against his, his face in his neck, tempted to kiss the skin, whisper all the thoughts running through his head.  
And yet, he never did.   
They spent their time in a solitary state, counting down the days.   
It was hard for the both of them.   
And so Taemin finally did something he never thought he would.  
It was late. Very late. They were in Jongin’s room, the moon full, causing shadows to dance across the room, across the walls and the two stuffed towards the center on the bed, clinging to each other as if it was the last time they’d ever be the same.   
Which was true.   
Taemin’s head was resting lightly on Jongin’s chest, his eyes glossy with exhaustion. Neither were touching too much, it was just soft affection, a slight touch that caused them to go mind.  
Taemin let a soft whisper leave his lips.  
“Don’t leave me, Jongin.”  
Jongin shifted slightly, taking in the words. The rain was pattering the rooftop, fogging over the windows, keeping complete silence at bay.   
“You have to leave too.”  
“It’s different.” Taemin’s voice was barely a whisper.  
“How…?” Neither moved. It was tense, but comfortable. The tension was all in themselves, the comfort with them both.  
It was funny how that worked.   
The two were nearly unable when separated, but they would conquer the world when united.  
“Jongin…” The air went still. There was no going back now. Taemin felt his mind flood, his breath stop, the world focus in on only him. Kim Jongin.   
His best friend. His soulmate.  
“I’m in love with you, Jongin.”  
He felt Jongin tense, the air released from his lungs in a soft blow, and it fell into pattern with the gentle rain pattering against the roof.  
Jongin shifted, turning on his side, letting his long graceful fingers brush Taemin’s soft hair out of his eyes.  
There were words unspoken, just the soft touch of Jongin’s hands to comfort him. He let his hand slowly trace down his hip, tracing the beautiful lines of his body.  
“You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, Lee Taemin.”  
“You must be looking in a mirror. No one’s beauty trumps that of who I’m laying eyes on right now.”  
Jongin laughed softly, the sound soothing, melodic. “So cheesy, Lee Taemin.”  
They spent a bit just looking at each other. “I don’t want you to go.”  
Taemin’s eyes burned with anticipation. He felt them start to fill with pools of his emotions. His eyes became a crystal lake, overflowing from the flood.   
Jongin’s chest tightened when his voice cracked. He didn’t know what to do.  
He didn’t want Taemin to cry. He didn’t want him to feel the way he had been feeling for these past few weeks. Avoiding his feelings, avoiding leaving, trying to push away everything that he needed to say, needed to do.   
It took less than a second.   
His lips met his softly. The kiss was uneven at first, Taemin in shock but slowly warming up, letting his lips press firmly against Jongin’s. The fit was nice, even, like they were made as a mold for each other. Jongin’s hand found his way to Taemin’s waist, pulling him closer as he gasped, letting his lips slide beautifully against his own with a rhythmic pace.  
Taemin’s hand found his way to his hair, letting his fingers pull at the hair gathered at the name of his neck, brushing his cold fingers against Jongin’s warm milky skin.   
“Did you know…?” Their lips hardly parted as Jongin spoke up. Taemin let his eyes open slightly, his eyelashes brushing his faintly flushed cheeks. “Know what?”  
Jongin smiled, placing another perfect, delicate kiss against his soft, plush lips. “I love you, Lee Taemin.”


	9. Chapter 9

Jongin’s plane left at noon. It was about nine now, and he was packed, sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes lowered as if he was ashamed.  
“I don’t want to go.”  
“I don’t want you to go.”  
“I have to.”  
“I know.”  
This same simple exchange had gone on all morning. There hadn’t been any tears yet, just soft embraces.  
“You know where to go in the airport right?”  
“Yeah, I do.  
It was silent, the room heavy and hot with their emotions.  
“I hope you miss your flight.”  
“So do I.”  
“You can't stay can you, Jongin?”  
“I can’t.”

He drove him to the airport, walking with him as far as he could. Jongin embraced him softly, for the longest time, whispering things that would comfort him.  
“I’ll visit for holidays. I’ll come by every summer… We can video chat it doesn’t matter. I’m not giving up on you Lee Taemin. You’ll always be my best friend.”  
The thought of only being his best friend scorched Taemin’s heart. He thought that after last night he would mean a bit more, and he thought Jongin believed the same.  
It wasn’t how it was in dramas, hopelessly romantic. They didn’t kiss, they didn’t hug forever and sparkles didn’t appear.  
It was hard. The feelings were cold, and Jongin felt as numb as Taemin did.  
The drive home was hard. Taemin already felt alone, as alone as he’d ever felt in his entire life.

But they kept talking. Everyday they talked, sending pictures and keeping each other updated. The campus Jongin was on was beautiful, and he send clips of himself speaking, adding in English words just to show off. Taemin smiled and laughed and blushed when they spoke face to face, listening to Jongin tell him how beautiful he was, and how his bed felt empty without him. Jongin’s new roommate seemed nice enough, a tall boy with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.  
Taemin worried constantly, enough to stay up thinking about him. He had work of his own and he was busy, and soon enough the texts were shorter and the video calls sparse.  
They both were busy living their lives.

Jongin was to come back in a week for summer. He had to stay during Christmas, because the weather was too harsh to fly into. 

Taemin (4:15 pm)  
When are you flying in?

Jongin (4:24 pm)  
My flight is tomorrow at eight am. 

Taemin (4:25 pm)  
You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.

Jongin (4:34 pm)  
I miss you Lee Taemin. I’ll see you Saturday morning.

Taemin (4:35 pm)  
That’s too long.

*incoming call from Jongin*

“I’ll be there before you know it, Taemin.”  
Jongin’s Korean sounded rusty, soft and slow, but Taemin hardly noticed. He was too focused on Jongin’s voice, the creamy soft sound that made his face go hot.  
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting?”  
“More than year. Yes, I know. You forget I’ve been waiting too.” The smile was evident from his tone.  
The line went silent and Taemin laughed, embarrassed by Jongin’s kind words. “I love you.”  
“I love you, Taemin.”  
Taemin shut his eyes, letting his words repeat in his head, memorizing the way his voice sounded. He imagined his mouth forming the words, he imagined the way Jongin’s teeth would show through his smile, eager and heart-warming.


	10. Chapter 10

When they met it was in the middle of Taemin’s dorm lobby.   
The two of them just stood there, walking closer, eyes locked, smiles goofy, until they embraced.  
Jongin wrapped his strong arms around Taemin’s small shoulders and buried his face in his neck. Taemin’s hands were steady on the small of Jongin’s back, head lain gently against his hard chest.   
They stayed like that for a while, before making their way to Taemin’s dorm. “  
“We should head to your house in a few hours.” Taemin let Jongin in his small room, bags piled on his bed. His roommate was sitting on the couch, engulfed in a text book.   
He was a tall guy, with dyed blonde hair and strong deep set eyes. He looked tough, but he was small in size. He looked up when he heard the commotion and smiled. “Oh, hello. Who is this?”  
“This is Jongin. Jongin this is Jonghyun, my roommate.”   
“Nice to meet you.” Jongin put on a smile, shaking hands with the light haired man.   
“Taemin talks about you non-stop. It’s great to finally meet you.”  
Jongin could only laugh, his cheeks turning a bit pink, his eyes meeting Taemin’s with disbelief and longing. “I’ve missed him”

They caught up on the car ride home. “How are your grades, Taemin?”  
“Ah, they’re good. High, like always. Yours?”  
“Average, you know me.” He smiled brightly. “My portfolio is a bit empty and plain. We need to go out and take some while I’m here.”  
Taemin could only smile. “That sounds great.”  
The feeling between them was odd. It was filled with relief and relaxation. There were needy undertones, a questionable atmosphere surrounding them.   
After the kiss neither of them had talked anything through. It was swept under the rug like it never happened.   
“Jonghyun seems like a cool guy.” Jongin nudged Taemin gently, a sickening sweet smile on his lips.  
“Yeah, he’s cool?” Taemin’s expression was confused. ‘Why are you bringing him up?”  
“He’s cute is all. I thought maybe you’d be experimenting with him. It is college after all.”  
Taemin’s eyebrows furrowed.. A soft laugh escaped his lips. “No, I don’t think he swings that way.”  
The truth was, Jongin was worried. Jonghyun seemed to be exactly Taemin’s type.  
He knew he shouldn’t be worried, but he was Taemin’s best friend.   
“So how is America?”  
Jongin smiled, and chatted the whole way home. 

The reunion was rather long and exhausting, with plenty of food and storytelling all around. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, but Taemin wasn’t sure if Jongin’s mother had enough charisma to last the next four days with how much she was spilling out tonight.  
There was a party down the road, run by some kids Taemin knew from school, but neither of them truly wanted to go. They weren’t into that kind of thing. At all.   
They liked lazy days, rainy days, days where they could just spend time with their families, do they things they loved. 

“So I met a girl.” Jongin plopped down on his bed, relishing in the feeling of being at home once again.   
“Did you?”  
“Just kidding.” Jongin laughed and Taemin rolled his eyes in response.   
“I did, but she was kinda mean.”  
Taemin laughed softly. “So, basically every girl you meet.”  
“Basically.”  
They unpacked together, and set out the extra mattress beside Jongin’s bed.   
“So what’d you get me for Christmas?” Jongin grinned widely, his teeth glistening as he did before being clonked over the head.   
“Like I’d tell you!! I think you’ll like it.”  
“Oh, is it you?”   
It took a moment, before Taemin’s cheeks flushed a deep red, the color spreading quickly to his ears.   
Then Jongin covered his mouth, cleared his throat and looked away quickly.  
“S-Sorry… That just… kinda slipped out.”  
It took a split second, before Taemin’s lips found his. He pulled him close and down to his level, on his knees on the spare mattress. Jongin’s hands landed firmly on his small shoulders for support.  
Jongin immediately kissed back, that was when he realised what was going on, and his fingers threaded into Taemin’s hair. It was dark now, and he loved it either way, but it was softer than he felt last time.   
Taemin let his lips melt against his, pressing at a gentle pace, his hand grasping the front of his hoodie and pulling him down to his level.   
“Nice to know you like me, Kim Jongin. That means we can do this more often.”  
When Jongin opened his eyes he saw Taemin’s flushed cheeks and shy smirk and he knew, oh he knew, he had fallen into some deep shit.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who is supporting this story...  
> Thank you!!!  
> Your beautiful comments make my day! I hope that my writing is immersive and true to life. I really appreciate your support and kind words!   
> Stick with me till the end!!!

They woke up early the next morning. Company was coming over around six, and the house needed to be cleaned, decorated, and food needed to be cooked.   
It was an adventure at Jongin’s house for the holidays, the whole family was chaotically trying to put everything together the best they could. The younger kids and cousins were sent to cleaning every inch of the house, while Jongin and Taemin were in charge of decorating the tree and the rest of the house. The older girls were in charge of cooking, which he could tell made Taemin a little irritated because, one, his sister could not cook worth her soul, and two, he could.   
So they set off, Taemin still in his sweatpants and giant hoodie, hauling boxes of garland and tacky angels to decorate Jongin’s home.   
It took quite a few hours, and the pain and aching was simply drowned out by Christmas carols and too sweet chocolate. Afterwards they rushed to make themselves presentable, Taemin taking a shower.   
The room was steamy when he got out, his skin flushed, a towel wrapped around his waist, revealing his beautifully toned body.   
He dressed quickly, drying his hair, and helped Jongin pick out a Christmas sweater that complimented his dark eyes.   
The night was busy, Jongin’s and Taemin’s family piling in, filling up the spare rooms.   
They were separated most of the night, and the younger boys had to sleep in Jongin's room along with them. It was a tight fit, and extremely hot, but it wouldn’t last too long.

Christmas went well. Presents were exchanged, and family was brought together.   
Taemin decided to play it off like he didn’t get Jongin anything. He didn’t give him his gift as everyone else did, instead he stuck it behind his bed for later.   
They spent the afternoon cleaning everything up and putting things away.   
It was late when they eventually went back to Jongin’s room.   
Jongin lied back against the headboard. He had gotten Taemin a thick furry sweater, which is was so happily wearing. It was light pink, and soft, and made Taemin look like a little huggable sheep.  
Taemin sat down beside him, smiling over. “It was a good day.”  
“I agree.”  
Jongin smiled as well, his eyes soft.  
A soft beep ruined the moment, and Taemin picked up his phone and answered it quietly.  
“Hello??”  
“Hey, Tae… its Jonghyun.”  
“Oh, hey! Are you doing alright?” Taemin smiled a bit, situating himself.  
“Of course… is your Christmas alright…?”  
Taemin looked over and Jongin, then answered. “It’s wonderful. Yours?”  
“Lonely.”  
It took a moment, but Taemin finally noticed the slight slur in Jonghyun’s words.  
“You didn’t go home…?”   
“No. I wish you were here Taemin.”  
“...why?” Taemin tensed slight, swearing he heard the sound of a zipper.  
Jongin noticed and whispered quietly. “Is everything okay?” There was a pause and Taemin nodded, smiling faintly.   
“Jonghyun, have you been drinking?”   
“Yeah… Taemin, I want you.”  
Taemin hung up quickly at the low sound of Jonghyun’s moan.   
“What was all that about…?” Jongin was confused.  
Taemin shook his head and smiled softly.   
“It’s nothing. BY the way!!”   
It took a split second and Taemin reached behind the bed, producing a box with pretty red paper covering it. It was oddly heavy, and I bit off-weight but it was wrapped as well as Taemin could manage.   
“What’s this? I thought you didn’t get me anything?”   
“Well obviously not since here it is! Here.” He handed Jongin the heavy box, and watching him unwrap it.   
Jongin was always careful with the wrappings, taking the time to pick off each piece of tape, sliding the paper off carefully. He opened the box and pulled out what taemin had gotten him.   
A new camera was on top, fully pristine, his name engraved into the side.  
Underneath it was a new album, made of extremely nice leather.  
“Oh my god.”   
Taemin couldn’t help but smile, hiding his face with his hand a bit. “I knew you wanted this type of camera…”  
“Taemin how did you afford this?” Jongin’s voice was serious.   
“I saved up for a while… like since we were sixteen.”  
Jongin was speechless. “I-I don’t know… what to say…”  
“You don’t have to say anything, Jongin. I’m glad you like it.”  
Jongin set the camera aside, the album beside it.   
He pulled Taemin close, hugging him with strong arms. His frame was small in his embrace, but Taemin was comfortable.   
Taemin breathed in his scent, smiled against his sweater, and tucked his head against his chest.  
All the while, Taemin’s phone was ringing silently beside them.


	12. Chapter 12

On the way to drop Taemin off two days later, Jongin noticed Taemin’s uncomfort.   
“Is everything alright, Taemin?”   
Taemin nodded, his eyes still focused on the road. “Of course…”  
“You just seem a little off.”   
“No, I’m alright. I just don’t want us to be separated again.” Taemin’s eyes fell a bit, along with his lips.   
Jongin smiled softly, and tried to lighten the mood. “I’ll see you this summer, right?”  
“Yeah, true.”  
“So good luck until then. Only three more years of this… and then we’ll have jobs. A solid life.”  
“But I don’t want a life without you Jongin. I can’t keep spending so much time without you.” Taemin’s voice was soft, and serious.   
“Taemin… I’m sorry.”  
“It’s fine…” Taemin pulled in and parked, getting his luggage out. “I’ll see you in a few months then?”  
Jongin smiled and nodded, there was a bit of pain hidden in his eyes.   
They hugged, and Jongin drove to the airport.

When Taemin arrived to his dorm Jonghyun was sitting on the couch looking rather pale.  
Taemin decided not to talk about a few nights ago. “Hey, you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jonghyun looked rather tired as well, his head buried in a book.  
“Alright.” Taemin walked quickly to his room, unpacking his things before taking a long hot shower.  
Today hadn’t gone too great.  
It was weighing on him.  
He let his hair dry wet, putting on sweatpants and a tshirt, starting to cook dinner for Jonghyun who was now asleep on the couch.  
He let himself think, remember more, the sound of the zipper, the way he told Taemin he needed him, his moan…  
It sent shivers up his spine. He let his eyes travel over, letting them brush over his bold features, his soft sleeping face.  
Jonghyun was his friend, right? Jonghyun was straight, he’d brought home more than enough girls.  
“Taemin, why are you staring at me?” Jonghyun’s voice snapped him back to reality, and he looked away quickly, rubbing the back of his neck.  
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”  
Jonghyun sat up and walked over slowly, Taemin felt himself tense up and stare at the food.  
“What are you making..?”  
“Just some chicken.”  
Jonghyun walked to the fridge, chewing his lip. “I’ll go grocery shopping tomorrow. I kinda ate everything while you were gone.”  
If anything Jonghyun probably didn’t even remember what he did the night he called Taemin. Taemin would like to forget it too. But, sadly, it kept replaying over and over… especially when Taemin least expected it.  
“Alright, that’s fine. You’re buying this time then?”  
Jonghyun nodded.  
They ate quietly together on the couch, and Taemin knew his ears were red. They watched a movie afterwards, but Jonghyun ended up falling asleep again.  
Jongin texted him goodnight, but Taemin didn’t reply.  
He had a weird feeling in his gut and he didn’t know how to make it go away.

Months went by, exams came and went, and the phone call was never brought up. If anything Taemin and Jonghyun got closer, while Taemin and Jongin seemed to talk less and less.  
They were out tonight, sitting in a corner store.  
It was about three am, there was beer and ramen, and they were getting a bit rowdy.  
“Okay, okay… but like? Why are leaves green?!”  
“I’m pretty sure it has to do with the way we interpret light, Jonghyun. You are so drunk.”  
“And you aren’t Lee Taemin? You should see your face. You look like a beet.”  
Taemin rolled his eyes, but it was true.  
“You and Jongin still together?” Jonghyun’s question took him by surprise.  
“I guess.”  
Jonghyun looked up with a raised eyebrow. ‘You guess? That doesn’t sound good.”  
“We haven’t talked much recently.”  
“Ah.” Jonghyun sighed, emptying the rest of his drink on the sidewalk. “Ready to go home? It’s a bit late.”  
“Late as in almost four in the morning.” Taemin grinned his beautiful smile. He’d dyed his hair again, a soft purple. He’d been letting it dry naturally, and Jonghyun couldn't help but itch to touch it, wanting to smooth the cute frizz and play with the curly strands.  
The walk home was rather long, so they took it slowly, walking side by side. The night was a bit chilly. The moon was bright, but the sky overcast, leaving it a bit darker than usual.  
“Do you remember when I called you Christmas night?”  
So he hadn’t forgotten after all.  
Taemin looked over a bit. “Mm, I remember.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
Taemin shook his head. “It’s alright. I knew you were drinking.”  
“No, I’m not sorry for what I did, Taemin.”  
He paused and Taemin listened intently, his eyes widening as he heard his next words.  
“I’m sorry because I’m in love with you.”


	13. Chapter 13

For Jongin, the new semester had begun nicely. He had gotten all of his regular classes out of the way, and now he could move on to the one specified for photography.  
His new class began at nine, so he found himself there a bit early. He wanted to start making friends, seeing that these were many of the people he’d find himself journey along with for the next three years.   
He found his way to the front of the classroom, taking a seat beside a dark haired boy. He set his things down and softly let out a polite “Good morning.”  
The boy beside him shifted to look over and Jongin sat up, looking over to meet his gaze.  
And he felt his heart stop.  
Soft pale skin, dark hair that covered his eyebrows, big doe like eyes, and big pink lips.   
He was an angel. He had to be. His stature was small, but his expression was dangerous.   
“Good morning?” He seemed a bit surprised from Jongin’s friendliness, but he was polite.   
“I’m Kim Jongin.” It only took a moment before Jongin regained himself, snap out of the trance this stranger put him in.  
“Kyungsoo. Nice to meet you.” Kyungsoo set to getting his textbook and portfolio out.  
“Do you mind if I take a look?” Jongin motioned gently to Kyungsoo’s blue portfolio.  
“Ah, sure. If you let me see yours.”   
Jongin nodded and pulled out his own.   
“Damn, are you rich?!” Kyungsoo oogled at the fine leather and engraving.  
“It was a birthday present, and no, I’m not.” Jongin laughed gently, passing it over, then slowly flipping through the pages of Kyungsoo’s. All of his shots were scenic and dark, of empty alleyways and dying trees, broken objects all beautifully unique. “Wow… these are great.”  
“Who is this guy? There’s a lot of photos of him.”   
Kyungsoo smiled softly and pointed to Taemin. “Ah, that’s my best friend.”  
Best friend…? Him and Taemin were together. Why did he feel the need to lie to a stranger about that?  
He didn’t correct himself, he didn’t have time. The professor greeted the class and then delved in, leaving Jongin no time to think.

“You….? What?”   
“I said I’m in love with you.” It was dark and they’d stop walking.  
Taemin let his eyebrows furrow. “Since when?”  
Jonghyun sighed and kept walking. Taemin grabbed his shirt and pulled him back.   
Jonghyun yanked away. “You’re with Jongin anyways. Don’t worry about me.”  
“Jonghyun c’mon, don’t be this way. We’re such good friends.”  
Jonghyun’s eyes grew dark. “We are aren’t we.”  
“We are. So please don’t do this.” Taemin’s eyes were worried, soft and scared.  
Jonghyun set his jaw, the smell of alcohol on his breath. “Don’t love you? Taemin it’s not that simple.” He let out a heavy, shaky breath. “Let’s just go home.”  
The walked in silence on the way back, and the dorm was dark when they returned. Taemin took in a deep breath and walked up behind Jonghyun, wrapping his arms around him. His head rested gently on his shoulder.  
“Taemin…? What are you doing?”  
“For tonight, let’s pretend like I’m yours.”  
Jonghyun let out a slow breath, and then gasped when he felt Taemin’s lips on his neck. 

Jongin’s voice carried unevenly through the receiver.   
“I bought my plane ticket for the flight in a few weeks.”  
A few months had passed at this point.   
It seems that Jonghyun and Taemin’s game of pretend had become less of a game and more of reality.   
They spent their nights wrapped together, skin on skin, beneath sweaty sheets and a fog of regret.   
“I’ll see you soon then…?”  
Jongin smiled, audible through his words. “Very soon.”  
Kyungsoo was beside him, fixing his camera. They were god knows where. They had been wandering aimlessly until they found something worthy of capturing.   
But Jongin realised he cared less about the scenery.  
He wanted to take pictures of Kyungsoo, not the things around them.  
He wanted to capture the bow of his lips.  
The gentle curve of his collarbone, the way his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.  
It was driving Jongin insane.   
He was dreading the trip to Seoul.   
And he knew he shouldn’t.  
But this tug towards Kyungsoo, this need, this want was becoming stronger.   
And he began to forget about Taemin.   
Kyungsoo made him want to fly, want to soar, want to be engulfed in his love, in his beauty, in his body. He was filling up with this intense feeling.   
This bright, beautiful feeling.   
Kyungsoo was filled with angst, hate, with art.  
And it was so beautiful.   
He was rough while Taemin was soft.   
Kyungsoo was dark while Taemin was light.  
And Jongin didn’t know which he needed more.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this fixes the stress :) The next few chapters are going to be very happy.

“I can’t do this.” Jonghyun felt Taemin’s gentle hands pushing him away.  
He pulled off, his sweaty skin sticking to his, clinging, his heart thumping louder than it was before.  
“Did I do something wrong?”  
“No, Jonghyun. I did.” Taemin got up quickly, dressing himself and grabbing his keys.  
“Taemin where are you going?!” Jonghyun’s face was distraught, confused.  
“I’m just going out. Don’t worry.”  
And the door shut quietly.  
Taemin took a long walk. He dialed Jongin’s number.  
Jongin picked up quickly.  
“Taemin, why aren’t you asleep?”  
“I’ve been sleeping with Jonghyun.”  
The line went silent for a minute. “Oh…”  
“I’m sorry Jongin. I made a mistake.”  
“Are you breaking up with me? I don’t want that…”  
“Of course not.”  
“It’s fine, Taemin. I get it. I know you were probably lonely. D-Do you love him?”  
“Of course not.”  
Jongin sighed softly. “Good.” He heard the soft murmur of voice in the background. “Are you busy?”  
“No, no… I’m alright. It’s just between classes.”  
“Sorry to call you so suddenly.”  
Jongin rubbed the back of his neck gently, biting his lip and glancing at Kyungsoo. “I was just scared something had happened.”  
“No, I’m fine.”  
“Thank god.”  
Taemin swallowed, standing outside the convenience store. “When are you flying in?”  
“Two days. Friday.” Taemin nodded, checking his watch.  
“I guess I’ll see you then.”  
“Mm… Taemin?”  
“Yeah?”  
“I love you, okay?”  
Taemin felt himself smile a bit. “Y-Yeah. I love you too, Jongin.”

The line went silent afterwards. Jongin sighed and sat back down, Kyungsoo looking over with his dark doe eyes. “Is everything alright?”  
“Yeah, everything is good.”  
“Who was that?” Kyungsoo had always been curious, and Jongin laughed softly. “It was Taemin.”  
The truth was, Kyungsoo had become quite accustomed to hearing that name by now. It seemed that the more he learned about Jongin the more he learned about Taemin as well.  
“Are you sure that Taemin is just a friend?”  
Jongin felt his cheeks heat up, and he smiled a bit. “We’re together.”  
Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile. “How long?”  
“About a year and a half.”  
Kyungsoo hit him lightly on the shoulder. “Love struck Kim Jongin here!!”  
Jongin smiled and pushed him lightly. “Shut up! What about you and that guy from the other class? I see the way he looks at you. Like a dog on a leash.”  
“Oh, shut up.”  
Jongin rolled his eyes. “Why are you so afraid of being loved? You should talk to him.”  
“I’ve talked to him before.” Kyungsoo shrugged a bit. “Dunno.” He watched a blush spread across his cheeks.  
“Sureeee.”

Jongin arrived at the airport right on time, and he walked out to find Taemin waiting for him.  
Jongin raised his eyebrows. “What’s this…?” He grinned gently. “No flowers, no gifts.”  
Taemin rolled his eyes. “I have a gift. Come here.”  
Jongin walked over, raising his eyebrows, waiting, his expression wavering as laughter threatened his facade. “Well?”  
Taemin smiled a bit, and pulled him close to kiss his lips mildly. Jongin kissed him back sweetly, fingers threading gently into his hair. “It’s good to have you back Kim Jongin.”  
“What’s on the schedule today?” Jongin asked softly as they began walking to Taemin’s car.  
“Well first, we go to your house, like always. And then we pack, because you and me are taking a trip.”  
“A trip? Where to?”  
“The beach, where else. But not any beach, a beach where no one can find us.”  
Jongin felt himself smile. “We’re going home?”  
Home. Where they grew up. Where they met, where they fell in love and kissed for the first time.  
“We’re going home.”


	15. Chapter 15

Home was the safest place that they knew. Especially right now when they were hanging on the edge. Taemin had booked a small house in advance, only one room, attached to a fishing pier.   
It was right on the beach, and the salty air did nothing more than comfort them.  
The room had been cheap, and the old man who worked there was more than willing to allow them to stay for a few days. As long as they left the place clean and didn’t cause a ruckus, he was alright with it.   
The drive there was nice, singing along to the radio, switching who drove so they other could nap.   
It didn’t take too long to get there, and when they arrived they threw their bags down and went straight on the ocean.  
Taemin ran ahead, arms outspread to the sky, spinning around and kicking up sand.  
Jongin watched from afar, mesmerized by the feeling of home, safety, the feeling that came more from Taemin rather than the scenery.   
They took a walk, Taemin’s hand firmly in Jongin’s, his eyes bright.   
He knew what the effect of home had on Taemin.  
It was his comfort.   
“Doesn’t it feel good to be back?”  
“It’s a weird feeling.” Taemin smiled, a bit of sadness hidden behind it.   
“I agree. It’s like stepping into a time portal and traveling backwards.”  
Taemin let out a soft laugh. “Do you want to go get dinner?”

They found a small sandwich store downtown, and walked there since the air was so nice.   
They ate quietly, looking out the window and listening to the soft chatter around them.   
“We could visit my old house.”  
“I’m sure someone lives there, Taemin.” Jongin laughed from around his sandwich. “What about the alley way?”  
Ah, yes. The alley way.   
After the first kiss there were other of course. Not kisses, rather run ins.   
And the alley way was one of the best run ins they had.

It was dark, late, and they had been heading home. Jongin’s hand was brushing against Taemin’s and it was making him a bit irritable. He took a step away to keep it from happening again. Jongin only drew closer again.  
“Jongin stop.”  
“Stop what?”  
“Touching my hand.”  
“Make me.”  
The next bit was a blur. But it included Taemin pushing Jongin into the alley only to have him push him against the wall.  
It went fast, teeth and tongue and passion, and had them pulling hair and shirts.  
Only to have Jongin’s phone ring halfway through. 

They laughed about it now, and they had laughed about it then. It was angst at it’s finest, teenage hormones raging against them.  
Now their relationship was mild, easy going.   
They’d never slept together but they didn’t feel the need to.  
It would come one day yes, but right now they were occupied on just one another. They were occupied on digging deeper, learning it all.   
Not just the facts, because they already knew all of that.  
They wanted to know their rhythms, their cycles, anything and everything that had to do with them.   
The infatuation and curiosity was long over. It never would end, and they felt that to be a truth if there ever was one.

Back at home Kyungsoo was flipping his phone back and forth between his palms. He wanted to call Jongin. He wanted to tell him that he had talked to Chanyeol, that he was good, he was cool.  
There was a catch though. Chanyeol had been everything Kyungsoo would have wanted a few months ago. Now? No. He didn’t want him.  
Because a few months ago he had met Jongin.   
Since the beginning his chocolate hair and dark eyes had captivated him, his lean body had driven him mad. He knew Jongin watched him. He knew the ‘secret’ looks that Jongin stole.   
He knew it all.  
But he also knew about Taemin.  
Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin, Lee Taemin… the only thing that left Jongin’s mouth.   
He wished those stories were with him instead of Taemin.   
He wanted to be the name he whispered in his sleep, the pictures that filled his portfolio.  
And Kyungsoo was scared. Not because he knew it was a big mistake, but because of the way he was feeling.  
And it wasn’t okay.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday, I took a bit of time to collect my thoughts.

“Do you want some coffee Taemin?” Jongin was leaning against the counter, his eyes focused on the brewing pot.  
“Mm, yeah I’ll take some.” Taemin walked over, stretching out. His sweatpants were hanging low on his hips, the band of his underwear visible. They drank their coffee together, Taemin leaning against one side of the counter and Jongin the other.  
And they just looked at eachother, smiling around their mugs.  
“What are we going to do today?”  
“Hmm… we can go swimming, take a few walks. The usual.”  
“The usual…” Taemin set his cup down, walking forward to wrap his arms around Jongin’s neck.  
Jongin’s phone buzzed, and he sighed, reaching to check it. Kyungsoo was calling, for lord knows what.  
He answered it and Taemin smiled, his arms still looped around his neck.  
“Hey, you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m good. Ah… is your… vacation going well?” There was something unnerving about Kyungsoo’s voice, and Jongin wasn’t sure what it was.  
“Yeah. Is everything alright back home.”  
“Yep. Just a bit boring. But I was calling to tell you something.”  
“Hey, can I call you back here soon?”

Kyungsoo bit his lip. “Ah, sure. Take your time.”  
The line went silent and he huffed, throwing his phone on the bed. God dammit Kim Jongin.  
He had a date with Chanyeol today. The guy was too nice to shoot down, even though Kyungsoo had no interest in him whatsoever.  
But he trudged himself to the coffee shop where they agreed to meet, and met him at the table. “Hi, Chanyeol.”  
Chanyeol’s eyes lit up at the sight of the smaller boy, his smile a bit too bright for Kyungsoo’s taste. “I didn’t think you’d actually come.”  
“You think I’d just blow you off?”  
The truth was, yes, Chanyeol did think he’d blow him off.  
Kyungsoo was cold, honestly. He didn’t seem very friendly at all at first glance. And he normally wasn’t nice. Until you got to know him.  
Then that’s when you were in trouble.  
At first, Chanyeol had been hurt over and over, getting turned down, ignored. By now Kyungsoo had warmed up to him, and it was honestly rather nice.  
Kyungsoo was kind, loving, and actually extremely soft. He loved photography, he loved to sing, he was all tender.  
But when it came down to it, Kyungsoo was only tender for Jongin. Chanyeol often saw the two together at shoots, or comparing photos on Jongin’s laptop in the courtyard.  
They seemed to be close, and for all Chanyeol knew they probably were dating.  
“Ah, I guess not.” Chanyeol tapped his fingers against the table nervously. “Did you sleep well last night? I know you had a big project due.”  
“Ah, yeah. Thanks for asking.”  
The waiter interrupted before things could get awkward.  
But of course they were awkward anyways.  
They spent a good hour making small talk, learning about each other's likes and dislikes. Drinking coffee and ordering small deserts kept them busy.  
Kyungsoo had to admit that he had a good time. Chanyeol’s happiness was contagious, and his goofy smile could really grow on you. But of course he’d never let him know. He wore his heart on his sleeve, while Kyungsoo’s was buried deep inside him, hidden behind heavily barricaded walls.  
They exchanged their goodbyes and walked in opposite directions, and Kyungsoo pulled out his phone to check the time.  
He hadn’t expected that to take as long as it did, but the time had seemed to fly. He dialed Jongin’s number to call him again.

“Wow… Taemin just like that.”  
Jongin looked up at his beautiful boyfriend and snapped a few shots. He had brought his camera because he was starting to miss the way Taemin filled up the pages of his albums.  
Taemin was hanging from an old rusty balcony, his skin slightly sunburned and freckled, his hair a bit lighter from the sun exposure.  
His hair hung down from gravity, his shirt sliding up his chest, which he did his best to keep from happening.  
Jongin laughed at the sight, zooming in on his face to capture his perfect flawless skin and dark eyes.  
“You have no idea how beautiful you are, Taemin.”  
“And you have no idea how handsome you are, Jongin.”  
Jongin couldn’t help but smile at this.  
He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and he answered it quickly. “Hello?”  
He was used to getting calls from Kyungsoo about school and work, but never this often. Normally the calls were all business, short and sweet, but recently Kyungsoo had just wanted to talk and talk about things that didn’t even matter.  
“Hi, Jongin. What are you up to?”  
“Just out taking some pictures.”  
“Ah… I see. With Taemin?”  
Jongin laughed gently. “Of course.”  
“Hmm… should I let you go then?”  
“No, that’s alright. Did you need something?”  
“I just wanted to hear your voice again.”  
Jongin bit his lip, reveling in how innocent Kyungsoo sounded, how easily he opened up and set aside his icy facade to say something as kind and sweet as that.  
“And why is that…?” Jongin’s eyes were filled his curiosity and confusion, and he watched the way Taemin swung off the balcony.  
“It seems that I’m fond of it.”  
Jongin felt his heart rate start to pick up. “Sorry, are you sure this is Kyungsoo?”  
Kyungsoo sighed, running his hands over his thighs. “Of course it is.”  
“Doesn’t seem like it with the way you’re talking.”  
“Maybe I’m getting tired of holding back.” Kyungsoo’s voice lowered, as if he was trying not to be heard. He was simply scared of hearing himself and regretting ever making the call.  
“Holding back…? Holding what back?”  
“My feelings for you.”  
Jongin felt the blood drain from his face, he turned away from Taemin who was looking through an album in Jongin’s bag.  
“Y-Your what?!”  
“You heard me.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit sad, forgive me.

The line went blank before anything else was said. Jongin let out a heavy breath and grabbed his bag.   
“Are you ready to go back?”  
Taemin looked over carefully. “Who was that on the phone.”  
“Kyungsoo.”  
“What’d he say?”  
“Nothing.”  
Taemin looked away a bit, his eyebrows furrowing. “What’d he say?” His voice was firmer now.  
Jongin looked over, surprised by the harshness in Taemin’s voice.  
“He just asked how I was.”  
Taemin walked over, his eyes dark and eyebrows knitted together. “I know when you’re lying to me.”  
“He said he had feelings for me, okay?!” Jongin’s voice raised suddenly, and he dropped his bag.  
Taemin set his jaw. “I don’t think you need to yell at me.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“You don’t sound sorry.”  
“Let’s just go.”  
They walked back silently, the tension between them tight. The sky was a bit cloudy today, the breeze cool and running through Jongin’s soft dark hair.  
“What are we, Jongin?”  
Jongin unlocked the door to their room and walked inside. “I don’t know, Taemin. Why don’t you ask Jonghyun.”  
Taemin’s lips parted, his eyebrows furrowing with disbelief. “Why don’t you ask Kyungsoo? Since you don’t know either.”  
Jongin slammed his fist down on the counter, looking up at him. He was furious. He had no right to be angry but he was confused.  
He was confused on the way he was feeling. It was Kyungsoo’s fault.  
But hadn’t he been the one to sit with him in the first place?  
“I think it’s funny how easily you slept with Jonghyun.”  
Taemin bit his lip, smiling out of pure anger and disbelief. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe it was easy because I don’t care about him?”  
“Seems like you really care about me though, right?”  
“Are you crazy Kim Jongin?!” Taemin walked over, throwing his bag down. He stood right in front of him, staring into his eyes which were burning like hell below. “How can you say that?! Do you have any idea how much I love you?! You’re my best friend-”  
“And that’s all I’ll ever be.”  
Taemin’s expression dropped. His lip trembled softly, and he bit it, looking away. “That’s not what I meant.”  
Jongin’s jaw twitched and he set it again, looking away for a moment. “I think I have feelings for Kyungsoo, Taemin.”  
“You should be with him, then. I think you were wrong when you said you loved me. I think you love the Lee Taemin in your photographs. The pretty one. The one that’s preserved and immortal.” He feigned a smile.   
Jongin felt tears sting his eyes.   
He let out a deep breath and walked past him. “I’ll be leaving then.”  
Taemin didn’t move while Jongin packed. He sat at the counter, listening to the soft sounds of clothes rustling and zippers.  
He heard the door click shut and Jongin’s car leave the driveway. Now he had no way to get home.  
Kim Jongin. King of the selfish men.   
Not only did Taemin lose his lover, but he also lost his best friend.


	18. Thank You's and Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notes from me

Hello all my beautiful readers :).  
I thought I'd take some time to let out my thoughts.   
This story has been a blast to write, and I never expected it to get the attention it has! To all of you who have left kudos and commented so diligently thank you. Your comments and support are what make me what to update and write more. When people appreciate your work it's very inspiring.   
You are such nice and beautiful people!  
So I wanted to write this to sincerely thank you all.  
My life is not the greatest right now, and I won't go into details as this is public and anyone can see.  
Your comments and support have really helped me.   
As writing is a way for me to express myself, the fact that I know you all are listening is what makes me alright.  
I love reading and replying to you all, as well as writing the story in it's entirety, even though I have absolutely no plan and it's being updated as I go.   
As for the shortness of the chapters (as has been mentioned before) I apologize. I have very little time to write, but I try my best to update and keep my readers indulged!!   
I am young, and I've lost a lot recently, so writing has been all I have recently. It seems that writing works better than medicine and therapy for me :).  
I am currently writing the next update!! :D  
It may be out tonight or tomorrow, I hope you all look forward to it!  
Goodbye for now,   
Lilith <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Sorry guys here is the update :D. Things are heating up!

A few weeks passed.  
Jongin returned home, sitting beside Kyungsoo the next day back at school.  
“Do you want to go get pizza after this?’ Jongin’s voice was tired, and it was audible in his voice.  
Kyungsoo simply smiled. “Of course we can.”

Taemin stayed in the cabin for another day. He needed to get home somehow. So he did what he didn’t think we would.   
He called Jonghyun.  
Jonghyun picked up on the third ring. “Hey Taemin.”  
“Jonghyun do you think you can drive and come get me?”  
“Uh, sure. Where are you?”  
“My old town.”  
Jonghyun paused. “Jongin can’t bring you home?”  
“He left me here. I’m stranded.”  
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Jonghyun hung up the phone.   
Taemin laughed at the irony. The person he trusted the least was doing what he thought the person he trusted the most would do.   
He sat waiting on the patio, looking out of the ocean.  
The place where things had come together had been the place where they had fallen apart.   
Taemin let out a soft breath.   
He wasn’t sure how things would turn out from here. 

Kyungsoo sat across from Jongin, sipping his water slowly and watching his eyes.   
Jongin’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes that went so elegantly with his soft silky hair.   
Kyungsoo had listened to what occurred, Jongin pouring out his heart and saying everything that was on his mind.  
Kyungsoo listened intently. “Sounds like a mess.”  
“It is a mess. I don’t know what to do.”  
“Just leave it be.”  
Jongin looked up, raising an eyebrow.  
Kyungsoo shrugged a bit. “Just leave it be for a while. There’s no telling what’s going to happen so just keep your mind off it.”  
“Yeah…” Jongin sighed, running a hand over his face. “You’re right…”  
They ate quietly together, talking about school and work.  
Jongin paid the bill, which caused a fuss with Kyungsoo even though it had been under ten bucks.   
“What are we doing now?” Kyungsoo stood up, straightening out his jacket and shirt.   
“Arcade?” Jongin challenged, a goofy grin taking over his face.   
“Deal.”

“Wow.” Jonghyun breathed out slowly, trying his best to steady his hands on the steering wheel.   
Meanwhile Taemin was a mess beside him, biting his lip and nervously wringing his hands.   
“He just left…?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Wow.”  
Taemin groaned, holding his head in his hands.   
“Don’t take me home.”  
“Where do you want to go then, Tae?”  
Jonghyun bit his lip at the remark, knowing what was most likely going to happen if he, indeed, didn’t take Taemin home.  
“Your house, a hotel, anywhere. Just don’t take me home.”  
Jonghyun sighed, nodding and turning down his road.  
“Whatever you say, Taemin.”


	20. Chapter 20

“Taemin get off the floor.”  
“No way, Jose.”  
Jonghyun scowled, staring down at the other who had fallen onto his back, staring up at the ceiling.  
As soon as they walked in the door Taemin started drinking.  
Now he was as drunk as an alcoholic, his cheeks flushed red from the stimulation.  
“Well, first of all, I’m not Jose, I’m Jonghyun. Pretty close though. And second of all, you better get off the damn floor before I kick you.”  
“You won’t do it.” Taemin challenged, grinning up at him.  
“The hell I won’t?!”  
Taemin quickly curled up, rolling on his stomach. “Nooooo….”  
Jonghyun let out an exasperated sigh. What the hell was he supposed to do with him?!  
“Fine. Stay on the floor then.”  
Jonghyun walked away to the kitchen, cleaning up the mess Taemin had made earlier. He wiped up the spilled beer, his eyebrows furrowed gently.  
Taemin, after a few minutes, rose to his feet once again.   
“Jonghyun, did you love me?”  
Jonghyun got up, throwing the towel in the dirty clothes.   
“Where is this coming from?”  
“When we… you know… did it mean something.”  
Jonghyun looked up at him, his face stone cold.   
“It meant something for me, maybe not for you.”  
“What if it did?”  
Jonghyun sighed and looked down at his feet. “It didn’t Taemin.”  
“Can we-”  
“No.”  
Jonghyun’s voice was stern, and he walked away to grab his keys. “No, Taemin. We can’t.”  
He knew exactly what he was going to ask. But he wasn’t going to have his heart broken again.

There was a problem. Kai couldn’t escape him, he couldn't stay away.   
Taemin was honestly everywhere. Not only was he in his photographs, but he’d taken over the physical world too.  
Everything that Jongin saw that he wanted to take a picture of, he immediately figured out how Taemin could come into play. It was instant, involuntary, and yet it continued happening the more he drifted away.   
He tried to avert his feelings to Kyungsoo, trying to add him to his photographs, but it wasn’t the same.  
Kyungsoo was beautiful, but he wasn’t Taemin.  
Kyungsoo wasn’t a model the way Taemin was. Kyungsoo had to think about his motions, think about how to position himself, with Taemin it came naturally.  
He didn’t have to think. He just did.  
And that’s what he was missing.   
That thing that drove him to thrive in his art seemed to be gone. As the weeks slowly went by his camera became untouched.   
He became bored.   
He had nothing to excite him anymore. And it was draining.   
It was painful, the way his chest ached when he heard his favourite songs. The way he woke up and expected to see him on the futon beside the bed.   
It was hard, and it wasn’t working. 

Taemin was alright. At least that was what he’d been telling himself. He’d been glued to Jonghyun’s side, but the tension was getting to be too much. The constant one sided attention was irritating him.  
He was constantly in a bad mood.   
He was constantly avoiding everything that reminded him of Jongin. He hadn’t been anywhere near his phone or laptop.  
He’d barely been able to get out of bed. He’d been skipping classes with Jonghyun, lying in bed with him and fooling around…  
If he shut his eyes and concentrated he could pretend it was Jongin.   
Their bodies were similar, his hair was as soft as his, his skin not nearly as gentle though.  
Jonghyun was rough where Kai was gentle.   
It just wasn’t the same.  
“Taemin… open your eyes and look at me.” Jonghyun whispered gently into Taemin’s ear.   
“I can’t, Jonghyun.”  
Jonghyun sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. “Why…?”  
“Because I’ll regret this.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end!

When the time came for Jongin to visit Taemin again, he didn’t. They hadn’t talked for months now. They were as far apart as they’d ever been.  
And they were okay with it.   
As everyone is told to come in and out of your life for a reason, they felt that it was alright.  
They came into eachother’s lives to be first loves. To discover, love, laugh…  
And it worked for them.  
But they weren’t high-schoolers anymore.   
They were creating their own lives now, their own stories.   
Jonghyun left Taemin after a bit. All they did was “make love”.  
It was a vicious cycle that Jonghyun couldn't take. When you loved someone it hurt more if they used you. Which is why he found himself walking out of Taemin’s apartment, leaving him alone.  
Taemin was alone, but he found it didn’t bother him.   
He could focus on school. He could forget about Jongin and Taemin and all the hurtful young feelings and memories.   
And Jongin?  
He was doing just fine. Graduating at the top of the class. Getting a job with a big name dance corporation in America.  
His life was great.   
Somehow they found themselves thinking about each other again.   
It was natural, when you loved someone that hardly ever went away.   
They never acted on it.   
Jongin had countless drafts sitting in his messages of thank you’s and pleads to meet with him again one more time that went unsent.  
Taemin had been two seconds away from booking a flight to Jongin’s first big performance. He wanted to sit out in the crowd, watch him dance like when they were young..  
But he didn’t.  
There were so many needs, so many wants that did nothing but wrench and pull them apart..  
But it was easy to forget as time went on. Which is what they did.   
They forgot. 

At least… that’s what everyone expected for it to be like.   
But it wasn’t.  
Jonghyun and Taemin were still together. And it bothered him. Jongin was dragging himself through school, his camera still untouched, his mind numb when he danced.   
One day, finally, Jongin sent his messages.   
Taemin purchased the ticket, boarding the flight a few days before the showcase.   
He stayed in his hotel, his stomach tossing and turning, nervous from the foreign intimidation of America. His English was rusty, he found it hard to communicate, but he was there for Jongin.   
It’d be a long time already.  
He watched his phone occasionally, seeing texts from Jonghyun, asking where he disappeared to. He didn’t answer them.  
The night of the showcase, Taemin almost didn’t go. He lingered outside, telling people they could pass him in line for the tickets.  
His heart was pounding. How long had it been?  
Seven months? Nine?  
It had been a long time. And it had felt like an eternity.   
What was he supposed to do when he saw him. Tears already threatened to spill over just from the thought of Kim Jongin.  
He gathered his courage. He wouldn’t see him up close. He was just watching him dance one more time. One more time before he ended all this.  
He stepped inside. He found his seat. And he waited.

The performance was beautiful. The dancers were beautifully talented, well practiced and in perfect form.   
At least that’s what everyone had said.  
Taemin had only seen one dancer on the stage.  
He made his way out of the building, walking to his car.   
His heart was heavy like an anchor. He could go home now.   
It was all over, right?

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. A police officer, maybe?  
Had he gone past the parking time?  
He turned around and was welcomed with beautiful dark eyes, messy hair, milky skin.  
He was welcomed with his best friend, his lover, his partner in crime.  
He was welcomed with Kim Jongin.   
“Taemin…?”  
The whole world exploded around them.   
“....Jongin.”


	22. Thank you's (2)!!

Hi everyone!  
Thank you for your support for this story! I hope that you all enjoyed it. I know I loved to write it! I hope my readers will be willing to look at my other works! I also will be writing much more for the next few months. I finished my school year, and summer has opened up a wide range of time for me to write. :)  
So thank you again!  
See you around.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers :)  
> It has been so long...  
> My life took a few wild turns... and I'm currently a senior and so things have been slowly piling up since I will be going to Uni next year. I am deeply sorry to keep you all waiting so long.  
> I am deciding to continue this story if you all would like to have it continued.  
> Please comment if you would like to have more chapter after this one!  
> I am planning on starting a Guardians of the Galaxy series soon, so comment if you are interested in that as well.  
> Thanks!

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. A police officer, maybe?  
Had he gone past the parking time?  
He turned around and was welcomed with beautiful dark eyes, messy hair, milky skin.  
He was welcomed with his best friend, his lover, his partner in crime.  
He was welcomed with Kim Jongin.   
“Taemin…?”  
The whole world exploded around them.   
“....Jongin.”

____

"You..." Jongin could barely speak. The fluorescent lighting from the parking lot did nothing to light up the place, keeping it dark and dull.  
And yet Taemin's eyes were somehow shining like the a harvest moon.  
Taemin watched as Jongin struggled to catch his words, "Your hair... it's white."  
Taemin couldn't help but fight down a smile, letting a short laugh escape his lips. "You haven't seen me in ten months, and all you do is mock my poor hair-dye job?"  
Jongin's smile lit up in a moments notice, and Taemin felt a pang in his chest.  
It had been too long, far too long. He didn't even realize he had been missing a piece of himself when they went their separate ways.

"Did you know I was going to be here? Dancing, I mean." Jongin asked, his smile turning into concern.

"Of course I did." Taemin felt his eyes start to sting. Was he really going to cry? He couldn't stop himself. "Why did you come after me?"

"I saw you in the crowd, Taemin. I didn't think you'd come." He was shaking, from exhaustion or nerves, Taemin couldn't tell.

They were silent, Taemin didn't say much, he was too busy fighting back tears.

Jongin opened his mouth slightly, a syllable coming out before turning away. "I should be going then, I wouldn't want to keep you."

Taemin's phone had started ringing. He declined the call without even looking at the name. He shook his head, his heart pounding out of his chest. "I don't want you to go."

Jonging swallowed. "I have a flight to catch."

"To where?"

"Back to the academy."

"How far?" Tears slipped down his cheeks now.

"It's a ten hour flight." Jongin looked to the ground, then fumbled in his pocket, pulling out his wallet and handing him a thin shiny polaroid the size of a buisness card.

"I still have this, you know." He handed it to Taemin, and Taemin flipped it over, seeing a young Jongin on the front, sitting by a tree in the town they grew up in.

"It's the first photography you ever took of me." Jonging smiled, but it was a sad smile. He looked up at Taemin through his glossy brown hair, now so long that his eyelashes caught on it when he blinked.

Taemin wasn't looking at the photograph, though. Instead he saw the tiny silver band around Jongin's ring finger.

Taemin felt like he couldn't breathe.

Jongin turned, starting to walk away before pausing.

He took a moment and turned around to face Taemin again.

".....I love you."

Taemin smiled and turned back to his car, "No you don't."

 


End file.
